Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
