Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.