Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.