do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Be still, my beating vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.