Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?