pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.