How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
