Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think i got beer on your cat.
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