Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
