I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
