i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
