you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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