They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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