Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize