is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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