Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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