Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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