I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
