sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the room spins SO much faster in panama
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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