Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
