man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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