There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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