last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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