At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
