we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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