What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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