Moan for me like Helen Keller
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
