not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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