She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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