Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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