You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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