What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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