Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
