dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
