so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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