I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
