The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
