WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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