All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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