i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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