He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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