You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Success! We fucked roommates!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
