Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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