drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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