Kareoke will never be a sober sport
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
