so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
