I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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