Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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