I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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