omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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