We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
