honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
