I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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