I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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