Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
