so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
