Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
