drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
