is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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