"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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