I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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